The Whole Nine Yards
by siriusly.retardis
Summary: When you're shaken to your core and everything crashes down around you, how do you rebuild your life from the shreds of who you once were? When you can't even begin to describe how you've suffered, not even to those you've loved for years, who do you turn to? Loren Paxton loses control over her whole world in the same instant Sirius Black begins to, at last, gain some over his...
1. Alone

**Hey guys, it's been a while since I've written anything. Life getting in the way and all that. I'm trying to start writing again and figured I'd ease myself back in with this story that just wouldn't leave me alone. I really hope you guys like it and hopefully I can keep up the momentum I've got going. :)**

 **Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) don't own this world or many of the characters in this story. I'm merely borrowing them from the wonderful J.K Rowling.**

* * *

Ch 1 Alone

For the first time in all my years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, coming back for the start of the year did not fill me with anticipation and excitement. I slid out of the horseless carriages to start the year for the 6th time in my life. And all I felt was dread and fear and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. A lacking of something that used to be there, but died some time ago. I suppose I should be thanking my lucky stars that the carriages _were_ still horseless after last year.

"Hey, Loren. How was your break?" Lily Evans smiled at me, joining me as I walked towards the Great Hall.

Out of all my Gryffindor dorm mates, Lily always made a real effort to include me and be nice to me.

"Fine, thanks." I managed to plaster something that resembled a smile on my face.

"That's good! See you inside then." She grinned again and ran off to join her friends, Mary MacDonald and Alice Prewett.

I caught a glimpse of Seb, Wes and Cate laughing about something as they entered the Great Hall. And Jacob. And Quinn. I saw her auburn head of hair bouncing along next to Jacob's blonde one. He slid his hand into hers. Without thinking, I ducked behind a group of third years so that they wouldn't see me, which was quite awkward as I was above average height for a sixteen year old girl let alone a group of pre-pubescent kids.

It was right then and there, realizing that this year I would have absolutely no one to sit next to at the start of year feast, that made me stop in my tracks, turn around and bail.

I hurried through the corridors, up the stairs and down to the Gryffindor common room. I didn't need to eat now. I could always sneak out to the kitchens later.

"The feast over already? They go quicker and quicker every year" The Fat Lady asked, bored.

"Oh, no. It's not over yet, I was just feeling a bit sick." I made up quickly.

"Do you have the password?" She drawled.

"Um… no…" I twisted a strand of my long, dark chocolate hair around my finger and bit my lip.

"I can't let you in without the password, sweetie." She rolled her eyes and sidled out of the painting.

"Hey, come back!" I demanded, but it was no use. I sighed and wandered off aimlessly.

I wished Jasper were still here. I knew he was having the time of his life in Austria at the moment, in his first year of Curse Breaker Academy. By the sound of his letters, he was finally getting over what happened to the family the summer before the beginning of last year. Sofie seemed fine too, if a little shaken. She had Beatrice and Tim to help her. I'd never had the same relationship with my friends that Sofie has with hers. I suppose that was partially because all my friends were Jasper's friends first.

Sofie was also only 12 when it happened. Too young to really understand. Jasper and I had been shaken to the core. Returning to school, where everyone expected us to be normal was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It wasn't too bad for Jasper because he was in his 7th year. All our 7th year friends were slightly more distant and hung out less because of their NEWTs and they were preparing for life after Hogwarts.

The sound of a dry cough startled me out of my reverie. I blinked as I took in my surroundings. Somehow I'd managed to find my way to the potions dungeons.

"Paxton, what are you doing here?"

I smiled in spite of myself. It was Sev. One of the only people who had no connection to my old group of friends.

"I could ask you the same question, Snape." I responded, joining him by the cauldron he'd set up.

"The idea of being targeted by 'the Marauders' in a childish welcome back prank seemed less enticing than you might think." He said with a sneer.

I laughed. The Marauders, as they'd named themselves, always did a welcome back prank of some sort at the start of year feast. And every year, poor Sev seemed to come out the worst. James Potter, the leader of the little gang of miscreants despised him for having once been friends with Evans.

"What's cooking, good looking?" I asked, peering into the bubbling cauldron.

Sev was renowned for his potion making skills. He and I became sort of friends last year when Evans and he had the fight to end all fights. She ditched him in potions and Slughorn paired me with him instead. At first he didn't even speak to me, but once he realized I wasn't half bad at potion making and invention myself we began our strange friendship.

"I'm practicing my Draught of the Living Death. Come here and look at this." He pointed at some illegible scribble he'd written in the margins of his Potions book.

"All I see is an ink smudge, hun." I said drily.

"I'm sorry I forgot you weren't nearly as intelligent as myself. It basically suggests substituting chopped snuffpods for crushed ones. See how my potion looks far inkier than a usual draught?" He smirked, not trying to contain his arrogance.

I nodded, ignoring the jab. "Is that because when you crush the snuffpods the excess juice dilutes the boomslang venom?"

"I assume so. Or the acidity in the venom is cancelled by the juice, leaving the potion far too basic. Chopping limits the amount of juice."

I took note of this in my head, deciding to do some research on snuffpod juice later.

I watched Sev silently for a while, cutting in with an occasional suggestion. It was nice to be free from all the whispers that still followed me and the din of the great hall that used to be comforting but was now torturous.

Eventually, we mutually decided it was time to leave the dark, musty dungeons and head to our respective common rooms. We didn't say goodbye, just nodded as we went our separate ways.

I grabbed the password off a prefect and dragged my feet to the common room, not ready to fall asleep and wake up to start the first day of what was sure to be the loneliest year of my life.

I was in for a shock though. When I reached the portrait hole, the three people standing outside it were the last three people I had expected. Seb, Wes and Cate. They must have been seeking me out as there was no other reason for three 7th year Ravenclaws hanging around outside the Gryffindor common room.

I decided to just walk straight past them and pretend I hadn't noticed them. I muttered the password to the Fat Lady and she swung open the door.

"Loz. We didn't see you at the feast." Seb spotted me and ran up to grab my arm.

"Uh, nah I bailed." I mumbled as I shook him off.

Seb and Wes shared a look I couldn't interpret.

"You can't hide forever, Loz. It is a new year, you know." Cate said quietly.

"Yeah, surely you must be over last summer by now." Wes cut in.

Cate shoved him. Wes had always been more blunt than the rest of my old group of friends. I always assumed inability to sympathize was a trait that came with being far smarter than the average member of the human race.

"What Wes means is… we're here for one more year. Then it's just you, Jac- er… well… there'll only be three of the group left at school. Jasper and all his year are gone… we're leaving… Look, I know you're mad at Jacob and Quinn and what happened was unforgivable but the old Loren would be able to put that behind her."

For the entirety of Cate's speech I stood stock-still, emotionless. Maybe the old Loren _would_ be able to put it behind her. Before the summer of 5th year. But the old Loren died that night. I could barely remember the enigmatic, cheeky, innocent girl who breezed through life with little care about anything but her immediate life. She was replaced by someone so cautious that she'd had to distance herself from all of her old friends and boyfriend in order to piece together what she had left.

I thought about what my old friends were saying. It would be so easy. Go with them back to the Ravenclaw common room. Smile at Jacob and Quinn and pretend that I had forgiven them. But… I just couldn't. I couldn't pretend to be the person I used to be. Quinn had been my best friend. And Jacob had been my boyfriend. I had already been unsure of myself. When I found out what they were doing behind my back, it was the final straw. I learned how to be by myself. And I found that it was actually far easier. Less drama, less mindless gossip, fewer distractions, less hurt.

"Um… I guess I've just changed." I finally said, realizing they were still waiting for an answer.

"If you can change, you can change back." Wes said, logically.

"I don't think I can." I turned around and climbed through the hole, still open, without even a glance back at the people whom I used to be closest with in the world.

I walked through the common room, abuzz with first day back chatter. A group of first years were listening in awe to Tom Bailey and Euston Jones' purposefully wrong explanation of how to get by at Hogwarts. I nearly smiled when Tom mentioned that McGonagall didn't really care about tardiness and being late to her class was fine. Those poor first years. Some 4th year girls were giggling in the corner over summer gossip. An impromptu game of monkey in the middle had begun amongst some of the younger boys. They were teasing Damian Creevey again and had managed to knick his wand.

I tried to get through, unscathed, melting into the scenery. The girls' staircase was just behind the fireplace. If I could just make it there without being noticed…

This was obviously too much to ask.

Domineering the couches by the fire were the four loudest, most obnoxious, most charismatic and, let's be honest, most troublesome wizards at Hogwarts. The Marauders. Led by James Potter they consisted of Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. They usually ignored everyone around them apart from when they were tormenting the Slytherins or Evans was rejecting Potter, yet again. But tonight, just as I reached the bottom of the stairs, I felt a prickle on the back of my neck. Like someone's eyes were on me.

I whipped my head around. Black was staring at me, his eyes emotionless and cold. He was just staring. Not like he was checking me out or anything. Just… staring. My heart rate increased and I felt sweat collect under my arms. Why was he staring at me like that? I froze, unsure how to respond. Should I call him out for staring? Or run away? In my uncertainty I ended up staring back accidentally. He didn't divert his gaze. This was so uncomfortable. Eventually, my mind returned to my body and I high-tailed up the stairs as quickly as my legs could carry me.

I collapsed on my bed, out of breath. The other girls weren't in the dorm yet. What the hell had that been about? Ignores me for 5 years and then this? I don't even think he knew my name. I couldn't think of one time we'd had a real conversation. He'd always been the complete opposite of me. Moody and troubled. Kind of quiet. He never put up with anyone's bullshit. Especially the girls that obsessed over his looks. He was blunt and cutting and didn't seem like he gave a damn about anything but his mates.

All through Quinn and his relationship last year he never showed much interest in her. He didn't even care when she cheated on him with Jacob. He ended things without so much as a sniffle. Had moved on by the next week.

And here I was, the whole thing having seemingly permanently scarred me.

So why had he been staring so intensely at someone he'd never given two shits about before?

I had no explanation for his behaviour.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I'm really excited about this story :) Please let me know what you think! It's been years since I've written anything, so I'd love some feedback. Constructive criticism especially, I know I'm not at my best!**


	2. Reckless

**Ok so I decided to update again, even though I didn't really get a response for the last chapter. I know it's starting off a bit slow but I promise it gets exciting!**

* * *

Ch 2 Reckless

I woke up before the other girls. I didn't sleep that much. The nightmares tended to force me up at least 4 times a night, sweating and screaming. I'd learned very quickly to use silencing charms around my bed.

This morning was no different. It was still dark when I got up. Autumn had definitely started. I had a long shower and put my uniform on, taking an abhorrent amount of time to brush and dry my long hair. I slapped some foundation and eyeliner on and looked at myself in the bathroom full length.

I'd finally managed to put back on some of the weight I'd lost last year. I was still rather slender, but at least I couldn't see my ribs anymore. In the Pureblood community I was thought of as ivory-skinned, aristocratic, regal looking, but I just thought I looked pale and haughty. I guess I could be considered beautiful. But I was no Evans. And I certainly wasn't curvy and bouncy like Quinn.

I heard the others finally stirring. The sun had risen by now and it looked like it was going to be a nice day despite the sting of the cold air.

"Morning, Loren." Evans yawned from her bed when I opened the bathroom door. Prewett rushed in, smiling at me as she shut the door.

"Morning." I nodded.

"Hey, Paxton. We didn't see you at the feast." MacDonald, still huddled up under her blankets, said.

"Oh, yeah I was feeling a bit sick so came up early." I replied, shifting from foot to foot.

"That sucks. Hope you're feeling better." Evans said sympathetically.

"I'm ok now. Probably just motion sickness."

"See you at breakfast?" Evans asked.

I smiled and made my escape.

It was quiet in the Great Hall. Not that many students were ready yet. I grabbed my timetable of McGonagall and glanced through it absent-mindedly.

It was pretty good this year. I'd heard from last year's 6th years that the class schedule lightened up for your NEWT years. I had hour gaps on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and a huge two hour gap on Fridays. I supposed most people would another gap somewhere in there. I'd chosen to take Alchemy on top of my 6 NEWT subjects: DADA, Transfiguration, Potions, Astronomy, Arithmancy and Herbology.

Alchemy was right up my alley. All about the manipulation of magic. Creating potions, spells. Figuring out why magic worked the way it did and how.

I really enjoyed my long breakfasts. Usually I'd do some extra study over my usual bowl of Wheaties, but today I just read. I loved reading muggle classics. Most Pureblood families would be horrified at the thought of their daughter enjoying anything made by muggles, but mine had always been different. And we were always slightly alienated for that. Still invited to functions, made small talk with. But always made to feel like we were slightly less than others. Or like we were committing some foul act.

I pushed these thoughts from my mind. This topic of thought was very close to bringing back reasons surrounding last summer. I picked my bowl up and drained the milk.

When I set it down, I realized he was looking at me again. I could see him in my peripheral vision. Potter was gesticulating wildly about something Pettigrew was finding hilarious. I chuckled when he accidentally knocked a plate of yogurt off the table and Lupin subtly sighed and swished his wand to clean it up. But Black wasn't paying attention to any of this. His gaze was on me again.

To be fair, this time when we made eye contact he had the grace to divert his eyes quickly. Like he was embarrassed. But I knew I was wrong on that account. Sirius Black didn't get embarrassed.

He looked better this year than last. Healthier and less moody, somehow. The Paxtons and the Blacks had never gotten along. The family most concerned with pure blood and ancestry compared to one of the least concerned. We saw each other at dances and dinners, but never spoke. They would merely shoot disgusted glances our way throughout the night.

But, of course, my mother knew everything that was going on in every Pureblood family. So, naturally, we were all aware of the abuse Black suffered at home for disagreeing with his family's views. And, though I never spoke to him, I always looked for him at the start of year feast to see how pale, thin and pained he looked this year. Always silently hoping he wouldn't be.

I had Defence first. After the awkward staring encounter, I wasn't feeling so comfortable at the table anymore and decided to slowly head over to the room. I assumed we had a new professor this year, though I'd missed the announcements. We always did. It was almost a joke how terrible the job security was for our past five professors.

I was right. As I entered the room, which was a little to dark and unnerving for my taste, I saw a lean, middle-aged balding man peering into one of the many cages placed around the room.

I slipped into one of the seats at the back and looked around the strange room. There were all sorts of creatures in tanks and cages. All incredibly rare and hard to find. I recognized Chimaeras, a Mooncalf, Porlocks and, most dangerous of all, a Lethifold. The Lethifold was in tank with thick glass walls that had been bioformed to resemble the tropics.

And a unicorn calf. Blindingly gold, curled up in the corner of a back cage. My jaw dropped when I spotted it. Unicorn calves weren't just rare, they were near impossible to find. And they should never, ever be taken from their mothers until they lost their gold colour. And never placed in captivity. Their lifespans shortened by about 80%.

I opened my mouth to ask the professor what the hell he thought he was doing, but quickly shut it again noticing how full the class now was. Most students were pointing at different creatures in awe, having only ever seen them in books.

"Attention, class." The tall, lean man clapped his hands and flicked his wand. The words:

 _Professor Lindbergh_

 _6_ _th_ _Year Defence Against the Dark Arts_

Appeared on the board behind him. The raucous quietened.

"Welcome to your first NEWT year. Throughout the next two years you will begin to cover the more complex types of Dark Magic. This year we will cover irreversible curses. This will build on your 4th year spell, charm and hex knowledge. This will lead up to learning about the Unforgivable curses, including an excursion to the Ministry of Magic where you will witness these curses and be given an abridged tour of the brand new Department of Mysteries. This is new part of the course, only offered to—"

Lindbergh drawled on about the outline of the coursework this year, but I wasn't listening. I was so focused on the unicorn calf I only heard half of what he was saying. It was pacing back and forth in its cage. Upon first glance, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but with a closer look it was obvious the creature was shaking with terror. This was so wrong.

"Professor." I heard a girl ask.

"Yes, Miss…" Lindbergh asked, annoyed that his lecture had been interrupted.

"Evans, sir. What are all these rare creatures doing in the classroom?" She asked, inquisitively. Her fiery red hair was scraped back into a side pony and she looked far neater and more put together than I could ever manage.

"Ah, I'm glad you asked. I'm doing some very important research for the ministry on rare and dangerous creatures. Albus allowed me to keep my research here in exchange for a year's service as a professor." He smiled, obviously loving bragging about his 'important' work.

"Are they safe?" Katie Gregory, from Hufflepuff, asked worriedly.

"All the creatures are contained correctly and the especially dangerous ones are under protective enchantments." He replied.

"How did you get the unicorn? I thought it was impossible to find the babies?" Another Hufflepuff girl asked in awe.

"This calf is from the Forbidden Forest actually. Unicorn calves can be captured though it is difficult and they are impossible to transport, hence why I chose the forest surrounding Hogwarts. Now enough questions, there is much content to get through this year." He turned back to face the board with a self-important swish of his robes.

I felt a burning hatred begin to form inside myself. I hated arrogance almost as much as I hated cruelty. And this jackass had both in spades.

I didn't listen to the entirety of the class, in a hot mess over whether I should speak up about the calf. I wasn't an idiot. I knew he would shut me down instantly if I said anything in class. But I had to do something. I could not let this poor animal be treated like this.

I bit my lip as a crazy idea stirred in my head. It was so outrageous and impulsive. But, if I executed it right… maybe I could save it's life. What did I have to lose?

…

That night, I waited for the girls to fall asleep, listening for their slowed breath and gentle snores over the heavy rain that had started that evening. I slipped out of bed, already dressed to go in sweat pants, wellies and a waterproof jacket.

My heart was racing as I tiptoed through the halls. I reached the kitchens and paused, hearing footsteps. Quickly I flattened myself against the wall. No one came. I assumed it must have been my imagination and tried to slow my breathing.

Eventually I reached the defence classroom. Double checking to make sure no one was around I slowly turned the handle.

"And just what do you think you are doing?" I heard a male voice say.

I leapt out of my skin and let out what sounded like it was somewhere between a yelp and a groan.

"Hah! Got you!" The same voice laughed.

I collapsed against the wall as I realized it was Potter. Potter with his messy haired, round glasses, charming smile and twinkling eyes. Accompanied by Black, of course. Black with his long dark hair, cold gray eyes and aristocratic features similar to my own. The two couldn't be more different.

"What the fuck are you doing? Trying to give me a heart attack?" I breathed, my heart finally slowing down.

"We followed you from the kitchen." Potter grinned and offered me a hand up. "We wanted to know what you were up to at 1am on a stormy Tuesday morning."

"Nothing." I mumbled and accepted his hand.

Potter narrowed his hazel eyes and broke into another grin, "Liar! You're blushing!"

"I don't blush." I spat.

I caught the ghost of a smile on Black's face. He still hadn't said anything. It was quite unnerving, actually.

"Come on, tell us! We might be able to help you." Potter nudged my arm.

This time I did blush. It sounded so stupid and childish.

"Well… I was actually going to save the unicorn. You know, bring it back to the forest." I mumbled, embarrassed.

Potter's jaw dropped. He looked at Black, but Black was looking at me. AGAIN! Honestly, what was with this boy? It was getting really off-putting! His eyebrows crinkled like he was searching for something. I bit my lip, unsure what to say.

"I know it's kind of dumb, but I couldn't let it die in there. You're not supposed to—"

"Take them from their mothers until they lose their gold hue." Black finished with a nod.

Potter's jaw was still hanging so low I could've fit a Bludger in there.

"It made me mad, seeing it like that." I shrugged.

"Loren Paxton. You are incredible." Potter said with flourish.

Oh Merlin, this was mortifying.

"Well, that settles it! We are absolutely going to help your worthy cause and we know just how to do it too!" Potter looked at Black, seemingly for confirmation.

Black was still for a moment, contemplating something and then shrugged. James beamed, as if having gotten permission for something and then whipped out a thin, delicate cloak from his pocket.

"Um… no offence, but it's pouring buckets out there. Not sure how much use a cloak that looks like it would rip if you brushed your fingers over it will be." I said drily.

"Ah, my love, but this is not just any cloak! This one has been around for generations." Potter was still beaming like the bloody Cheshire cat from Alice and Wonderland.

"Ok, so it's a really _old_ cloak." I shrugged, still not seeing the point.

And then, before my very eyes, Potter tossed the cloak over his head and vanished completely from my sight.

* * *

 **R and R! :)**


	3. Rescued

**This chapter's a bit shorter, but it felt like the right place to end it. Thanks so much to my favoriter/follower! Hope you guys are enjoying the story!**

* * *

Ch 3 Rescued

Now it was my turn to drop my jaw.

"You have an actual invisibility cloak?" I screeched, before remembering myself and hushing up quickly.

"Yup," Potter poked his head out from underneath and grinned. It was unnerving, seeing only his floating head bobbing around next to Black's smirking one.

"But… where… but-how..when- but" I stammered, unable to process how a 16 year old had come by such a rare and expensive item.

"Hush, now lead the way, Paxton." Potter gestured for me to go ahead.

I took a breath and turned the handle of the door, hoping it wouldn't be locked. It opened with a click. I stepped inside the dark room, alive with the noises of the nocturnal creatures kept inside.

"Wait here, Pads. Keep lookout." Potter whispered to Black.

"You know next to nothing about magical creatures, Prongs. You keep lookout." Though I couldn't really see him properly, I almost felt Black rolling his eyes.

"Fine." Potter huffed and stepped back outside.

Black nodded to the back of the room. Suddenly I felt even more nervous, though I had no idea why. Black was far more intimidating than Potter. Being alone in the dark with him seemed a nerve-wracking situation. I swallowed my anxiety and crept to the back of the room where the luminescence of the gold calf gave the cage a slightly eerie glow.

"How were you planning on stabilizing it while you took it outside?" Black asked, peering into the cage.

"Um… I was going to give it some of this and carry it in one of the crates I'd seen at the back of the room." I fumbled through my coat for the little sky blue vial.

"Some what?" Black asked, bemused.

"Oh, it's just a potion I threw together before I went to bed. It's basically like an Essence of Exhaustion, but far weaker and without the drowsy side effects." I tried to simplify the work that had gone into altering the Essence of Exhaustion recipe.

"You… invented this? Does it work?" Black sounded sceptical.

"Yes. I invented it in 3rd year and had all the kinks worked out by 4th. I've used it many times when I can't get to sleep and it definitely works." I glared back, feeling a little affronted that he'd so quickly doubted me.

I tapped the lock of the cage with my wand and slunk inside.

"Now, if you are serious in wanting to help me, please make yourself useful and go and grab one of the larger crates from the corner." I snapped and inched towards the calf.

"Be careful… Calves are very untrusting." Black warned.

"Then they and I have something in common." I muttered under my breath, too quietly for Black to hear me.

Black, obviously with the hearing of a bat, halted and turned back. He crinkled his eyebrows and looked at me with a curious expression. I felt myself go red and turned my back to him quickly.

The poor thing was so weak it barely had the strength to put up a fight as I eased the potion into its mouth. It instantly yawned and dozed off.

"It should be out for a while now." I said and carefully lifted it in my arms. It was far lighter than I'd expected.

Black had the box all set up and had even had the thought to line it with some newspaper and one of Lindbergh's spare robes.

He lifted the box and gestured for me to go first out the door.

"MERLIN, you guys took forever! I thought one of the creatures must have gotten you!" Potter cried when we stepped into the hallway.

"And your response to that thought was…. Stay outside?" Black mumbled. I chuckled at Potter's indignant face.

"Let's go shall we, time's ticking." I said.

Potter threw the invisibility cloak around Black and the unicorn. He and I would have to go with the risk of being seen.

We stole through the castle and ended up in front of a large painting.

"As lovely Defoe the Gory is to look at, what the hell are we doing here?" I sighed and looked at Potter.

He was doing something strange with his wand. Tapping every third brick surrounding the painting. Suddenly, the painting swung around to reveal a passageway.

"Secret passageway to the forest." Potter smirked.

"Oh…" I replied, dumbfounded. These boys truly knew everything about the castle.

We stumbled down the uneven passageway until finally we came to an opening covered with what appeared to be shrubs and ivy. Potter pushed the vegetation away and held it back for Black and me.

Black shrugged the cloak off and set the unicorn down.

"We can't just leave it here." He said. "It needs to be with its mother."

"If we let it out, its mother will come. That is, if she's still alive. Who knows how Lindbergh captured it." I stated, trying not to think what we would be faced with if its mother didn't show up.

I lifted it out of the crate. Its eyes were beginning to flutter open, the potion had worn off just as I had predicted it would.

The young calf stumbled around the clearing a little, getting its bearings before letting out a high pitched whinny-like noise.

"Guys, back away." I muttered to the boys. I could see the mother hiding behind some bushes, but I knew she wouldn't approach until the scent of human was gone.

We tiptoed as far away as we dared from the passageway entrance and waited. The mother crept out into the clearing and gave her calf a sniff. Seemingly satisfied, the two unicorns disappeared back into the forest.

I couldn't stop myself from beaming at the sight.

"That's the first time I've seen you smile and mean it in a year." Black said to me, seriously.

"That can't be true." I said, taken aback that he had noticed.

"It is true." He said with finality. "It's good to see."

I tucked some hair behind my ear, unsure how to respond. I guess all that time I was checking up on him, he was checking up on me too.

"Yes! High five team!" Potter broke the silence by launching himself at the two of us. He pulled us both into a bear hug, grinning maniacally.

"We were so awesome." I agreed. "Thanks for helping me guys. I would never have found the passage on my own."

"All good, love." Potter ruffled my hair.

We walked back to the castle amicably. Potter chattering away about all sorts of nonsense, myself forced to chatter back. Black was silent. But I didn't feel as intimidated every time he glanced my way or accidentally brushed against me.

The Fat Lady was Not Impressed with us when we returned, but grudgingly let us in. Potter gave me another hug at the bottom of the boys' staircase.

"Looks like you have more Gryffindor in you that I thought. Turns out you're not just a Claw after all." He winked and disappeared up stairs.

Black didn't say anything, but gave me the ghost of a smile before following Potter. I blinked, confused by this stoic, intimidating boy who was so careful with his words. He was so difficult to read. I almost hoped we wouldn't encounter one another again so that I wouldn't have to feel this strange uncertainty again.

Of course, this was not the case.

* * *

 **Any feedback welcome! I'd really love to hear what you think**


	4. Sofie

**Thanks so much to whoever it was who reviewed! I'd like to respond properly but you weren't signed in or anything. And thanks to those who followed or favorited! Hope you guys like this one. It's a bit of a filler, and kind of short but they'll get better.**

* * *

Ch 4 Sofie

The year quickly got back into full swing. Lindbergh had been FURIOUS about the "theft" of his calf. We all heard him the next morning at breakfast, screaming about the research he would lose. Potter, Black and I shared a smug look across the Gryffindor table. And that was the last encounter we had for a whole month. I thought I'd gotten off easy. But part of me was almost sad by how little we'd had to do with one another. With them I'd been different. Different to the cold, closed off, silent girl I'd become. I chattered, I beamed, I bantered. I wasn't like I used to be, before it happened. But I was almost happy, that night.

I drained my cereal bowl and swung my satchel over my slim shoulder. It was Friday, finally. My favourite day of classes. Two hours of Alchemy in the morning and a two-hour gap right before lunch. Not to mention, Potions with Sev in the afternoon. We'd silently decided to stick together again this year.

As I walked up to the Alchemy tower I contemplated the charm I was tinkering with at the moment. The goal was to come up with a sort of perception filter. That the caster would become impossible to look at or notice. They would literally just fade into the background because the minds of others wouldn't be able to process them unless they were directly looking at the caster.

There were still a few kinks to work out though. This was one of the most complex charms I'd ever attempted. Usually I just altered ones already invented. But I wanted to do something extra special for my Alchemy portfolio that would set me above the rest.

The class was small. There were only five of us taking the class. But that made it even more enjoyable, to be honest. I diligently worked through the two hour period, tinkering with my charm and starting my essay on the importance of pronunciation and formulation of words in spellwork.

After class I decided to pop down to the kitchens to grab a quick snack and then head up to the Astronomy tower to study. I didn't really like studying in the library because that's where Seb, Wes, Cate, Jacob and Quinn studied. I didn't really want to bump into them.

As I strolled to the kitchen, looking forward to my two hour break I saw something that made my heart break. Sofie. Absolutely crying her eyes out, tucked away in a little alcove in the hallway.

"Sof!" I cried and ran to her side.

She whipped her head up; horrified that someone had seen her like that, but then lowered it again when she realized it was me. I crouched next to her and put my hand in hers.

"What happened?" I stroked her short, brown hair gently.

"I-I hic I'm s-so scared.." She breathed through her tears.

"What are you scared of? Please tell me?" I squeezed her hand tightly. Ever since that summer I'd been so protective over Sofie, terrified something would happen to her.

"Y-Yaxley, and the Carrows. Th-they hic-" She was too distraught to get her words out.

"Shh. Come with me." I hushed and pulled her to her feet.

She didn't question me and tucked her small frame under my arm. Seeing my little sister in such a state was killing me. I'd made a promise to myself back then, never to let anything like that happen to her again. But with an imminent war on the rise… I felt like there was not much I could do for her anymore.

I led her to the kitchens and explained to the many eager, little elves that all I needed was some hot chocolate and cookies. They happily obliged.

Sof had calmed down a little by the time the hot chocolate arrived. She sipped it slowly, regaining her composure. I said nothing, waiting patiently for her to be ready to talk. Every now and then she sniffled a little, but eventually she sighed and looked up from her drink.

"I was walking back from Care of Magical Creatures. That's the class I have without any of my friends. And a couple of the Slytherins in my class cornered me." She began.

I felt my grip on my drink tighten involuntarily.

"I told them to leave me alone or I'd call for a teacher, but I think they could tell how scared I was. They kept hinting that they knew all about what happened last year and that… that it would happen again if we weren't careful." She whispered the last bit, biting her lip worriedly.

Though I was terrified myself, I had to pretend I was fine so not to frighten Sofie anymore.

"They couldn't know what happened, really. It was really hushed up. And Sof, they're only 13 year old wizards and witches. What do they know of Voldemort and the Death Eater's plans?" I stirred my hot chocolate to try to hide how shaky my hands were.

"Loz… they knew!" She insisted, widening her brown eyes. "Plus think of who their parents are, all Death Eaters probably."

She did have a point.

"Sof, it was a scare tactic. I promise everything is going to be ok." I got up and cuddled her close.

"I hope you're right. I don't think I could handle going through that again." She sniffled into my robes.

We didn't say anything for a while, but eventually she pulled away.

"I should get to class. It's halfway through Charms. Flitwick will kill me." She mumbled, straightening her robes and wiping her eyes.

"Are you sure you can get there by yourself ok?" I asked, smoothing down her hair.

She smiled her gap-toothed smile. "I think I can make it up a flight of stairs on my own."

"Just making sure, cheeky." I pulled a tongue, relieved to see that my bullshit pep talked seemed to have worked.

She pulled one back and left me in the kitchens.

What Sofie had told me had scared me more than I was willing to admit. Not that I trusted a bunch of kids, but she'd had a point. Their parents were probably all Death Eaters or had some idea of Voldemort's movements. I absentmindedly broke a cookie between my fingers, crushing it to dust. Just like any resolve to be strong I had managed to conjure up for Sofie's sake.

I whipped my head around as I heard someone try to cover up a cough. It was Black. He sheepishly stood up from behind one of the workbenches. I narrowed my eyes and crushed the cookie in my hand harder.

"What are you doing here?" I growled.

"Technically I was here first." He said drily.

"So what, you figured instead of mentioning to us that you were here, you thought it would be a far better idea to hide behind the workbenches?"

"Well, look, at the time it did seem like the best option." He rolled his gray eyes and collapsed in the chair opposite me, where Sofie had been sitting.

I said nothing for a while, wondering how to ask him how much he had heard. I didn't want to let on anything, but I also wanted to know how much damage control I'd now have to do.

He stared at me with a strange look on his face, waiting for me to speak. I wished he would bloody cut the staring crap out. It was super unnerving.

"I never asked. I was too… confused. I kept making up excuses, but they all seem so feeble now." He mumbled, breaking his intense stare.

"What are you talking about? Asked what?" I spat, still annoyed.

"Are you…alright? You know, after everything that happened." He said, sounding rather strangled.

"Alright? Am I alright?" I said quietly, rage building in me like a fire.

"Yeah I mean, I'd never really taken notice of you before. You always seemed so flimsy and shallow. But you changed last year. You looked haunted almost. And I got how that feels." He went on, obviously not noticing how angry I was getting.

I pushed my chair back and banged my hands down on the table, my eyes flashing.

"First of all, it's been a year! A year, Black. One year since my whole life got turned upside down. Everything changed. How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? I lost everyone I cared about. And maybe my friendships and relationship seemed flimsy to YOU, but to ME they were important. Another thing… How the fuck do you know anything about what happened? No one was supposed to know!" My voice got louder and louder and more and more volatile until I was literally spitting my words out at him.

I sat back down, exhausted and confused. I hadn't felt that angry in a really long time. And I certainly had never yelled at anyone like that before. Not even Jacob. I didn't know why I was so mad. Maybe because hearing him say that, so many times, he'd had a chance to ask me how I was and didn't. Maybe because for some reason, I wanted him to care. To check up on me. Like I'd always checked up on him. And he hadn't. Maybe because I knew he was right. All my relationships had been so paper-thin. And so had I. And for the last year I hadn't known who I was. I didn't know how to be real, how to be 3-dimensional. I still didn't. And that scared me.

Black seemed unfazed by my rant, for the most part. He just sat there with that same weird look on his face. I couldn't put my finger on it.

"So what are you doing out of class anyway?" I asked.

"Gap until lunch. You?"

"Same." I said quietly.

He smiled. "Good."

 **Don't forget to review! :)**


End file.
